They don’t use “queer” as a term meaning “all definitions,” but rather as “no definition.” Since everyone is unique in their desires, behaviors, and communities, shouldn’t their identity be uniquely theirs? Some people use “queer” to mean this uniqueness. That said, “queer” as an umbrella term does a lot of flattening, and this flattening is what certain people - namely those who identify with “queer” as a kind of leftist political stance of “identity-less non-definition” - take issue with. I use “queer” this way because I think it includes a wide variety of ways people are non-cisgender and/or non-heterosexual. Rather than use the alphabet soup of LGBTQQIIAAPSS+, “queer” encompasses any non-cisgender, non-heterosexual identity, relationship, behavior, or desire. Simply put, people use the word and identify with it, and they assume others mean it the same way they do.įirst, there is “queer” as an umbrella term. The overlap between these meanings results in what I call “conceptual inflation” of the term. Professor of Sociology at Drexel University and author of Boystown: Sex and Community in Chicago (he/him)Īs I discussed in my book, “queer” has three overlapping (but not synonymous) meanings. At this point, I don't feel like any sexual entanglement I get into can be anything but “queer.” I came to grips with my gender identity when I was 38, began social transition in 2018, and began medical transition last January. When I was younger, I identified as “bisexual,” but now I identify as many things: transgender, transsexual (I’m both), and more.
I apply the lens of queerness to my work in psychology, where I “queer” all that psychology, culture, and media have told us about how to love, relate, express, and have sex. Queerness liberates me by showing me that living non-normatively (living outside the ideals of toxic masculinity, femme-phobia, being a top or a bottom, or solely dating cis men) is all healthy and valuable. For us, “queer” allows for community-building with those who don’t subscribe to gay standards. The gay identity stereotypically comes with expectations around gender performance, politics, body standards, and sexual desires, and these feel oppressive to many people. “Queer” is about non-normativity, creativity, and diversity far beyond homonormative culture. Many use the term as being synonymous with “gay”, but to me, that misses its meaning. “Queer” challenges the assumed binary of sexual and gender identity. However, just as I wouldn't call every black person “nigga,” I wouldn't call every LGBT person “queer,” only those who self-identify with the term.Ĭhris Donaghue, PhD, sex therapist and author of Rebel Love (he/him)
That joy of blackness is tied with the sadness of knowing just how much your people have suffered due to that blackness. I say “nigga” regularly and love being able to say it, because it reminds me of the dual relationship all black people hold with our blackness.
I believe in taking power back from words used to dehumanize us. "Queerness liberates me by showing me that living non-normatively is healthy and valuable." - Chris Donaghue Its usage, even in LGBTQ spaces, is triggering to some people. Reclamation is powerful, but I also understand how those who lived through some of the darkest days of legal and societal discrimination are not comfortable using a slur that was sometimes used alongside physical violence in a celebratory way. This is part of the term's history - it was (and still is) a word used to hurt us that has been reclaimed. As The Advocate's social media editor, I routinely observe a backlash to “queer” (when it's used in a headline, for example) from older gay men who only know the word as a slur. Previous generations have a strong aversion to the term. I think you'll find an inverse correlation between age and comfort with the “queer” label. I'm 33, and “queer” wasn't widely used when I was coming out. Moreover, my preference for "gay" speaks to my age. “Gay” clearly communicates that I am a man who is interested in other men. I love the inclusivity of the term, but for myself, I prefer “gay” for its specificity. I know different people have different perspectives, but for me, it represents an inclusive umbrella term that speaks to me.ĭaniel Reynolds, Social Media Editor at The Advocate (he/him)Īs a synonym for “not straight,” “queer” is a great umbrella word for a wide variety of people across a spectrum of sexual orientations and gender identities. At this stage in my life, given the experiences I've had, “queer” feels more inclusive to me.